~ by the way ~


I am sorry I didn't mention this in the last post, but I also got the chance to visit most of my Michigeese and Michiganders and start my goodbyes before I went off to Maryknoll. I had an AMAZING time with my WONDERFUL family and friends - learning more than I ever knew about dinosaurs from my cousin Linden, having bonfires in the rain in South Lyon, planting a lovely flower garden with my aunt Carolyn, taking my first kayaking trip with my cousin Bethany, having my now-driving cousins come WAY out of their way to say hi, having great conversations with many folks, and one thoroughly wonderful and exhausting afternoon of playing "seamonster and landmonster" in the back yard with my cousin Solomon. SO MUCH LOVE!! To top it off, I got to bookend the Michigan time with some quality time in the Windy City with ms. genevieve & co. ;o). Also delightful. Thank you all for your love, support, and warmth, and for the memories.

So, week one of "cross-cultural camp" was full and intense. (The picture above is my Mandala, or a picture that represents me that we did the second day. Basically, mine is a road. I feel that I'm on a journey that has taken me many places, and I creatively rendered a few of those places in that image.) Then we plummeted in to "the tough stuff". We grappled with cultural sensitivity, sexuality, violence, trauma, abuse, charism, "missionary" vs. "volunteer", and a lot of other tricky issues, all in the context of living abroad under stress and having what would be small problems in the states magnified while overseas. Each of the presentations was pretty thought-provoking, and I feel that I have a lot of good material to refer to in Guyana to determine what, exactly, is going on inside me and around me and why, and what to do about it.

"make me a channel of your peace"

Really the whirlwind didn't let up until Saturday afternoon when we started our SILENT RETREAT. Four days, no talking, yeah right. I was in a pretty spirit-filled and introspective place, but four days is a long time. Turns out it's not so bad. I had lots to do and reflect on over the time, and actually did some artwork for the first time since junior high. It's about as good as my jr. high artwork was, but it's still pretty cool, i think - the intellectual level behind it has progressed ... slightly ... and I even came to enjoy the peace of silence, and the unique opportunity to make everything you do a prayer.

(a small stillness inside, July 25 --->)

Another really neat thing I spent a lot of time with was the walking labyrinth outside. I found myself in the middle of my first walking meditation last summer on the trail heading from Gulf Hagas to whatever stupid lean-to that was with the pouring rain (that narrows it down, huh?) and purple bugs (Chairback?). Anyway, we were still in Maine, so this was not a learned zen hiker thing (for those of you who don't know, I hiked from Katahdin, ME to Delaware Water Gap, PA last summer and into the fall, a total of about 3 months on the Appalachian Trail). This was still early in my hike. But I remember distinctly the feeling of hovering just over my body as it climbed up the side of a mountain. At the time, I was praying for strength and endurance to make it however far we needed to go that day, and was thankful for the beautiful places we'd been and the things we'd seen so far and I just felt an overwhelming sense of peace and lightness. I felt like I had been lifted up out of my body. I couldn't feel my legs pushing me up the hillside; couldn't feel my arms moving my trekking poles one at a time for extra leverage. I just felt free and peaceful, and was told later that there is such a thing as walking meditation which supposedly induces a similar state. Now I never achieved that state again while hiking, and I didn't achieve it in New York, but I did spend a lot of prayerful time walking a convoluted path to the middle of ... whatever my focus was ... on the grounds at Bethany. It was really neat, and one session inspired another version of the labyrinth.

(<--- Sacred Feminine, July 23, 2005)

Yeah, that one looks a lot neater in real life. The prayer I was working with is written in its folds:

Within the circles of our lives, we dance the circles of the years; the circles of the seasons within the circles of the years; the cycles of the moon within the circles of the seasons; the circles of our reasons within the cycles of the moon. Again, again, we come and go, changed, changing. Hands join, unjoin in love and fear, grief and joy. The circles turn, each giving into each, into all. Only music keeps us here, each by all the others held. In the hold of hands and eyes we turn in pairs, that joining, joining each to all again. And then we turn aside, alone, out of the sunlight gone into the darker circles of return. - Cycles of Life, Wendell Barry.

I finally got to really read quite a bit of the Bible, and a little bit of Thomas Merton ... very very interesting stuff. By the end of four days, I was really pretty exhausted. I had played prayer, drawn prayer, danced prayer, sung prayer, washed prayer, slept prayer and woke prayer for what seemed like a long time, and I have to say, it was probably the most amazing four days I've had in a while. I was nervous I'd be restless, but I had so many different ways to connect to the material that really, there was no time to be bored or restless - there was always something else waiting for me to explore it. So that's a whole new side of myself that I am pleased to be taking into service with me this fall. We will be living in a spiritually-centered community, so Eileen and I have already begun discussing how we will make time to pray and have our little rituals as we go along.

So, back in Maine, now, Thursday night, less than a month from GO TIME. I am planning a fundraising event to support the Mercy Volunteer Corps (my sending organization) this Saturday night at the Sacred Heart Church on Main Street in Yarmouth, Maine. It will be a potluck-type affair, with a little schpeal by me about MVC and what I'll be doing with them over the next two years, and then a little concert, featuring nearly all the members of my family, other familiar faces from Sacred Heart and hopefully a few new ones, too. Please consider yourself invited, if you are in the area. 7 pm until whenever - bring the kids and get ready to tap your toes!! Those of you who can't make it, please pray for me as last minute things come up. I will also be mailing out letters soon for those of you who like concrete things to have on the fridge or wherever it is you like them, and not just this vague web-business ;o) Keep your eyes peeled!